9/30/25

Today I just felt kind of gross. I hate when I feel like this. I don't even know how to describe it, like I'm really self-conscious about everything. I'll feel like I'm walking weird and I'm really focused on trying to walk normal instead of just doing it naturally without thinking about it. And when I was driving I just felt uncomfortable, like I just need to go somewhere and lay down. But anyway, now that we got into how I was feeling today, I can actually get into the day.

I've been staying at home since Nana's floors are getting redone and the carpets are being ripped out. So I woke up at around noon because last night I was up late watching stuff. I finished The Deer Hunter and moved onto Apocalypse Now. These Vietnam movies are kind of fun to watch. They make me feel like I need to be more masculine. So I was up late, so I woke up late. It was around noon before I woke up, and I had class at 1pm, so I had to rush a bit. I ate some leftover sushi and a spring roll for my brunch, so that was good. But it also filled me up a bit and made me feel big, that probably didn't help with my already bad feeling.

Class was pretty bad, it was patho, and I just could not focus at all. I left to go splash some water on my face and that didn't really help. And I tried to stretch a bit. I guess we were going over electrolytes and fluid balance and stuff in class, but I could not listen at all. So it felt like the class went on forever. We took the quiz at the end of class and I'm pretty sure I failed it.

After class, Janell called and gave me some cheese curds and a bite of pretzel burger that she had leftover from Culver's. I was going to pomp, but I didn't feel like being around other people, especially strangers, so I instead got the Tri Delta philanthropy packet turned in, and then went to Nana's.

It does definitely smell better over there. All the carpets are gone and the floor's been partially sanded. So now it just smells like wood and construction. Also, my air conditioner upstairs was not working, I had to adjust it and kinda hit it until it eventually kicked on, but it was making this crazy loud noise. So I may have to get a new air conditioner up there. I played one or two rounds of Fortnite Reload, watched part of Slushy Noobz newest Undertale video, and then watched the first bit of their live on Patreon where they were watching Shark Side of the Moon. Then I left for work.

I was feeling a bit better, but when I got to work I realized the ranch from the cheese curds had spilled on my phone and seat, so I cleaned that up, but I was a minute or two late to work. But I think that's fine. At work, I guess Tyler was there, but he was leaving when I got there. Kayden was still there, so I was actually working with him tonight. He worked 3-11 today, so twice my hours. But hey, I still helped him out some, there were several bed patients that we needed two people for. I watched the rest of the movie that Slushy Noobz were livestreaming on Patreon, very interesting ending, she gave birth to lots of baby man-sharks. I also watched the rest of the Undertale video, so I got all of that done, but barely got any homework done. I really need to work on those EAQ questions because there are two mastery ones that need to be done by the end of fall break. Anyways, at 10:20 pm, I was getting ready to leave in 10 minutes, but we got a request to move someone from CPC to CT scan. So we went up there, the patient was kind of unconscious, I don't know if they were asleep or just really sedated. But the nurse had to unhook the IV and all that, the patient was also restrained because they apparently kept taking their NG tube out and they were kind of restless. So we took them down to ER CT scan and got that done. But that whole thing took about 40 minutes, so it was after 11 pm before I left. Also, I'm pretty sure Kayden did not clock out before leaving, and I was gonna tell him, but he was gone. But I remembered. So it wasn't a bad day at work, not too busy, but not too boring. And it was kind of nice working with someone else, all those beds would have been awful to move on my own.

Then I drove home, talked to my dad some, he was really going on about this church meeting that he went to. Apparently he wants to start wearing a gun when he is the usher guy. That's kind of crazy and maybe a bit unnecessary if you ask me. I guess their meeting was about security for the church. I think maybe a taser or pepper spray would be more appropriate. But I didn't tell him that. I ate some leftover sushi, ate some Cheetos and Doritos, and watched some Always Sunny and I also watched What Women Want because I saw a clip of it on TikTok and that made me curious. It was kind of a fun watch. But it was almost 5 am by the time I fell asleep.

So today wasn't bad, work was better than class. Still might be a 4/10 though.

9/22/25

Today wasn't too crazy I guess. I woke up early because I had an exam in my fundamentals class today, and I did not study much last night. I was playing one block bed wars again and watching the new Out of Character episode instead. So I woke up at 6:30 AM and studied a bunch of Quizlets. Aunt Beck was still staying at our house, she'd be here till Wednesday, so I said hi to her this morning. My dad really wanted to make me breakfast, I think to kind of show off to Beck, because my dad almost never makes breakfast. But he was asking me all these questions on how to cook an egg because he I guess doesn't know how. But he ended up making scrambled eggs with sausage mixed in and it was pretty good, I added some melted cheese and seasoning.

Then I left and went to my exam, and it wasn't really too bad. At first I felt like I knew most of the questions, then I started to doubt myself, but I ended up with an 80, and once she went through and edited some of the questions afterwards, I ended up with an 82. So that's an upgrade from my last exam which was a 75, so I'm happy with it. Then after the exam we unfortunately still lectured.

I texted Janell to buy me lunch in between classes and she agreed even though she wanted to sleep, so I walked down to Towers. I got my Indian food that I always get and it was pretty good. She got pepperoni pizza, which was definitely not as good as my meal. So I caught up with Janell, we talked about Saturday some more and all that.

Then I left to go to my assessment lecture that I thought I had. Turns out it was still cancelled. I literally can't find any emails or announcements that say there's no class. I found one email that said there will be an online lecture posted, but you'd think they would say there's no in-person class today. So that makes last week and this week that I showed up to this class and it wasn't going on.

So I left and went to Nana's, played Fortnite, and relaxed. A little after 4, my mom texted me and said that the family was eating at Culver's at 5, so I got ready and went to that.

Culver's was definitely interesting. The Welch's, Yingling's, Rach, Beck, and all of my family were there. I ordered a chicken kid's meal with extra signature sauce because I had that sauce a week or so ago and it's so good. Then Micah and Matthew found me and they had me sit with them. They were sitting at a high table, with like, no room, so it was crowded. They were going crazy, talking about wedgies and games and who knows what else. My food came and Micah took my biggest French fry, talking about some "cousin tax". Grrr. Then Matthew fell out of his chair and dropped his sauce and chicken. Once I was done eating, I could not keep sitting there, so I went over to Janell's table and she was with Emma, Leah, and my mom. So I talked to them some.

After Culver's Janell was going pomping, so I went too. At first it was just Janell, me, and another delta, so it was nice and quiet. Then all of these other people showed up, but I was leaving about then, because I had a meeting at 7. So luckily I got out of there.

My meeting was a chairman meeting at Scully. We went over the calendar for TKE and all the events we'd be doing this semester. We talked about philanthropy week some, which was good because I had not idea what we were doing for that and I was supposed to be the one planning it. But it was alright, Grant, Khole, the Nathans, Zach, Jafar, Owen, Matt, KT, Eddy, maybe some other people, but that's who was there. The Alpha Delta Pi philanthropy person texted me while I was there and asked if TKE would be going to their philanthropy week, so I asked if we would, they didn't give me an answer, so I texted her back probably not. I hate having to communicate with these sororities.

After that, I went home and was planning on staying in for the night, but that one girl I met a couple of weeks ago, Shaylea, texted and asked if I wanted to hang out. So I said sure, because I wasn't doing anything else. So I took a shower, got ready, and went to meet her. Apparently she was at Sig Tau, and her friend was with another guy, so she wanted to hang out with me. So I pulled up into the parking lot behind the TKE house, and she walked over to my car. So we really just talked, and we ended up talking for a long time, like until 2 in the morning. We were really just waiting for her friend and whatever guy she was with the get done so that her friend could take her home. So we talked, and I she's kind of interesting. She doesn't know like, any music except for Morgan Wallen, so that's weird, but I tried introducing her to all sorts of stuff. Both of our phones ended up dying. She pronounces Chappell Roan and 'Tau' weird. We were standing outside my car for a bit, but ended up sitting in my car for most of the time. When we were outside the car, Scott walked by and saw us so I talked to him for a bit. He was probably a bit confused. But yeah, at 2, we figured that was late enough so she went back over to her friend even though she was still with the guy. And then I left. So not very interesting, but I got to know her better.

Then I went home, and fell asleep pretty quickly.

Today was a 6/10. Did a lot, but nothing really fun.

9/20/25

Today was a little bit crazy I guess. I woke up on the TKE couch at around 9:30 AM and had a pretty big headache from last night's drinking. My parents were still out of town, so I went home to feed the dogs and all that. So I drove home, did that, took a shower downstairs, and went to sleep on the downstairs mattress.

I woke up a couple hours later and was feeling a little better. I finished up some stuff around the house, I fed Orange Man, the other cats, got an egg from the chickens, and then left to go feed Pete, the cat at Rach's house. So I fed him but didn't see him.

Then I went to Nana's house and by this time it was probably around 2 pm, and I was planning on going to the tailgate at 3. So I really didn't feel like drinking anymore, but I did anyway, because I've been looking forward to this tailgate for like, 2 weeks. So I prepared some stuff to bring, like a water bottle filled with vodka and Sprite and my lunchbox filled with drinks. So I put all that into a backpack and went to the tailgate.

I got there a little after 3 and luckily found a parking spot in a commuter lot on N Pacific. It wasn't technically a spot, but I made it a spot. Everywhere was parked full. So I put on my backpack and walked to the tailgate. I found the TKE tent and at first I felt like I didn't really know anyone there. None of the good tekes were there. But I was given some Jell-O shots, did the beer bong-zilla twice, and sipped from my awful tasting water bottle concoction. So eventually I got a little drunk and then all of these people that I knew started appearing. First was Logan Wendell. I talk to him for a good thirty minutes. He apparently wants to be in the FBI or CIA or something. Then I ran into Pam and Ella, and I started talking to them. Pam was drinking a Yuengling Flight and I think she may have been a little drunk. But I also talked to them for a while. We talked about how my parents are gone for the wedding, Janell's gone at the fair, and I'm the only one of my family here. And I asked about Ella's sorority. Then I ran into Paige, and she was with these other people, I had no idea who they were. I told one of her friends that I liked her piercings. Another of her friends gave me a Dr. Pepper football. Then we ran into Olivia, and I guess Paige and Olivia are friends again? So that's cool. And Lennon and Ashton Gariagni showed up from somewhere. So we all talked for a while. And then Nate Jones appeared and he was super drunk and was drinking Malibu from a water bottle. So me and him went to a Sig Nu house because he's in Sig Nu, and they had pizza in there. So I ate two pieces and then grabbed another before I left to bring to-go. But yeah, Nate passed out on the couch in that house and Kenzi, a girl from my nursing cohort was in there, too, for some reason. So I talked to her about her sorority some, she's in A Phi. Then I really don't know what happened. I think after I ate I got really tired and I fell asleep on the TKE couch, because that's where I woke up.

I woke up right before 10 o'clock on the couch, so I'd slept for about 4 hours. I woke up to Jafar in the house and he was about to go to Hypno, and he told me to come along. At Hypno, there was supposed to be this SEMO and SIU afterparty thing, because that's who we played today, SIU. I wasn't going to go, but at the tailgate, Logan's friend Jill said she had extra tickets and I could have one. But Jafar also had extra tickets, and since he was here, I just decided to use one of his. So we got Mason to drive us there because he was the sober driver. Apparently he ended up driving for 12 hours that day, from 2 PM to 2 AM. So, I feel bad for him, but I'm glad I declined his offer for me to drive.

But Hypno really wasn't that great. There was this DJ outside on the patio area, so that area was pretty crowded. This one older TKE alumni bought me a drink pretty early on because he said he could tell I wasn't drunk. Also, I didn't have my ID or wallet with me, so I couldn't buy anything myself if I wanted to. And they somehow let me in without an ID. So that guy bought me this weird red drink with a shot on the inside of the cup. Then he gave me a cigarette. So I kinda just hung out at this table with some of the tekes. A lot of people from TKE were behind the DJ stand, which a lot of people on Yik Yak said was corny, and I honestly agree. So there weren't that many people around that I knew. But then Jill, that one friend of Zach and Logan's, ended up buying me a Monaco and talking to me for a bit. So that was nice of her. And Logan eventually showed up, too, but I didn't really get to talk to him here. Asian Nathan and Zehao and some other guy showed up so I sat with them for a bit and smoked another cigarette or so. And that was basically it, they shut down probably a little before 2 PM and I ended up walking back to 333 with some guy named Wyatt who was going to an after-party. He was kind of cool, he was an apprentice electrician. But yeah, I got back to 333 and there were quite a few guys in the living room, like Scott and the alumni unc, and Mason, and they were all talking and it was probably 4 AM before I fell asleep. iCarly was playing on the TV for a bit, that was fun to watch while it lasted. But that's about it.

So today was interesting. Probably a 7/10 day.

9/18/25

I need to just write the day of again. All my things I'm trying to write are from forever ago. Like I still haven't finished my study abroad entries, or the Chicago entries, and I haven't even started on entries for the cruise that we went on this year. Those are all things I want to finish, I just really have to be in the mood to work on them. But for now, I just need to write about current stuff, like today, like I used to.

Last night, I went home. I've been  staying at Nana's so much that I'm only home once or twice a week now. But I mainly went home because Beck was coming over later tonight and I felt like I should at least visit with her a bit (unlike Janell, she didn't come home). So I went home last night, did some vitals on my mom for one of my classes, ate Culver's that my mom brought home, went to sleep on the mattress downstairs and woke up drenched in sweat, and then visited with Beck when she showed up. We talked a bit about my work at the hospital and that was about it. That night I couldn't fall asleep at all. It was like, past 4 AM when I fell asleep. And I was really into playing the '1 Block' mode of bed wars on Hypixel. I played that for hours while watching Out of Character. Felt like the good ol' days. I guess I should mention, the reason Beck came over was because in the morning, my mom, dad, and Beck were all driving to Tennessee for Johnny and Ari's wedding. So I am also in charge of running the house for the next couple of days.

So when I woke up at around 11 AM, everyone was already gone, they'd left at around 8 AM. So I got ready, brushed my teeth, put in my rubber bands, and then went out to feed the animals. I fed the cats, then called the dogs to the back porch and fed them. Chowder didn't really get to eat because he only wanted me to throw water on him, but he'll be fine. Then I put my stuff in my car, fed orange man at the building, and drove off. I didn't have class until 3 PM, so I was planning on going and pomping at 343 because I NEED pomping hours. I do not want to sober drive the homecoming party.

So I showed up there, sitting in the parking lot, and worked up the nerve to send a text to the TKE group chat asking if anyone was pomping. Nobody responded and I was left on read. Great. So I just decided to go in on my own. It was really awkward, I walked down the stairs and kind of just stood there. There were probably 15-20 people there. Several guys from the other frat, several Tri Delta girls, and no tekes. But luckily, two of the girls said I could sit with them and they gave me tissue paper and stuff to ball up. Mason, the guy I used to play saxophone with in high school, was also there and was part of the other frat we're paired with. So I talked to him for a bit. But I was there for about an hour and 20 minutes. It was not fun.

I left and went to the library because I still had 40 minutes or so before my class. I finally got connected to the SEMO Wi-Fi there. I've been using my phone hotspot all this time because I couldn't get connected, but I figured it out. I saw Scott Gers at the library as I was leaving and I talked to him for a bit. He was working on a historical preservation timeline or something. Cool. As I was leaving the library and walking to my class, I got a text from Lance saying that I was going to be training someone tonight, and THAT kind of scared me. Because I barely knew what to do myself on Tuesday. This was going to be my second day by myself, and I was already training someone. But it might be fun.

My pharmacology class was kind of awkward. Lots of talk of birth control, periods, blue balls, condoms, IUDs, and sex. So that was interesting.

After class I went to the Cape library for a bit just to waste 40 minutes or so. I changed the background of the blog. It's a bit more to theme now.

I left the library and went to work at 6:30. I changed in my car, clocked in early, went to the bathroom, and went to the house supervisor office. Tyler, the guy I'd be training was already in there. He was Mexican and had a beard, that's probably all I can give to describe him. So we went to the med tele break room, he told me it was his third day training, and then we sat in the break room. For a long time. Like 2 and a half hours. We were getting no requests. And I wanted to walk around or something, so I told him I was going to give him a little tour of the hospital, so we both got up and started walking. I showed him the laboratory, and then we walked to elevator J, the keycard elevator. Somehow he already knew like, everything. We went down to ER, then went up elevator L to floor 2, then walked to elevator D and went back to med tele. So everything I was telling him, he apparently already knew. I was like, "Do you know where the oxygen tanks are stored for this unit?" and he was like, "Yup," but I didn't even know where they were, so I don't know how he's apparently just a genius. So then we went back to the break room and did nothing. I got some homework done I guess. But yeah, there were no requests for the whole night. Then we left and he stopped at the vending machine and I didn't wait for him because I didn't realize he'd stopped. So it was just kinda awkward with him.

I left and went to Nana's, probably made some mac and cheese, and went to bed.

Day was a 5/10.

3/9/25

Today I got up a little before 5 AM because we had to be out the door by 5:30. I guess we had to be up this early to catch the tram to go to the docks to catch the ferry. So I was up early, didn't even have to have an alarm I don't think. Rhett was up, too. I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, packed my things, and that was it basically. Everyone gathered outside the hostel with all of their luggage and we were only missing one person, Tosha. So we waited a while outside until she finally came down.

Then, we walked to the place where our tram stop was, which was really just a little stop in the middle of the road. And it also turned out that we were really early. We waited there for like, 40 minutes or something. Probably from 5:40 to 6:20 AM. And it was dark this whole time. So we would not have had to be up that early. But yeah, by 6:20 we were on the tram and heading for the ferry port. I don't think the ride over there was too long, and we also got to see the sunrise as we were going there. Pretty cool. Once we all got off the tram and walked to the main terminal building, Tosha realized that she forgot her purse on the tram, so Dr. Caldwell and her ran back to the tram. I think we all just continued on into the building. I think there was a little bit of security that we had to go through, then we took an elevator up to this waiting area, and we waited up there for 25 minutes or so. Also, Caldwell and Tosha got back, and somehow the tram hadn't left yet, even though they thought it did because it changed its number or something. But she got her purse. The waiting area was actually really cool, too. It had lots of windows, these wooden ceilings, and pillars with vines on them.

But after waiting, we could get onto the ferry, and this is when I realized it wasn't really a traditional ferry, it was a cruise ship basically. We were on the ship by 7 AM and made our way to the buffet area because I guess that's where we were eating breakfast. I sat with Rhett, Chelsea, Molly, and Elisabeth, then went up to the buffet to get my food. There were all sorts of unique looking foods, so I got rice pies, potato rosti, a green egg muffin that I guess had spinach in it, bacon, breakfast sausage that just looked like a mini hot dog, meatballs, salami and cheese, and these little pancake things that definitely weren't pancakes, I don't know what they were, but they were good. And to go with all of that I had a glass of Coke, because they had that for free, too. Better than Carnival, cause you have to pay separate for soda on there. So I ate all that, had another glass of Coke, and then went up for dessert. I got some bread with margarine, a little strawberry donut, and a tiny piece of berry crumble cake. All very good. And then I had another glass of Coke, and Rhett was judging me for drinking so much of it, but hey, I had to get caffeinated.

Once everyone was kinda done eating, Elisabeth and Tosha kinda wanted to walk around, so I went with them, and then Molly also went. Rhett stayed behind because he was doing his little journal or whatever. So I went with those three and we just kinda walked around. We went up a few flights of stairs because we were going to go to the deck. We walked by a bunch of rooms, and it made me wonder, why are there whole rooms for a two hour ferry ride. I have no idea. But there were a lot of rooms, it literally was a whole cruise ship. When they said ferry, I was imagining a tiny two-story open boat like the kind that you take from the cruise ship to shore or whatever. But anyways, we made it to the deck and we went outside. It was super windy, but pretty cool out there, there was an Estonian flag. Estonia has one of my favorite flags of any country. Really nice colors. But there wasn't much else out there, so we went back in a different way, down these stairs through a glass door. And that led us down to this botanical greenhouse looking area. There were lots of windows and some plants and wooden seats and stuff. So we sat around there for a bit. The girls were taking pictures and stuff on this fake swing thing, so I kinda just looked around the room. There was this little slingshot game that looked kind of cool that two people were playing. Anyways, I was getting a little bored in there, so I decided to go off on my own.

Walking around on my own was actually really fun. It was my first bit of alone time I had on this trip. So I kinda just walked all over. There were tons of seats like an airplane in one part of the ship, there was a Burger King, and then I discovered the mall area. I also FaceTimed Janell around this time. It was a little after 8 AM on the ship, so it was like, 1 AM or something in Cape. So I showed her all around the mall. They had a Moomin display, Legos, candy, and alcohol. And they had one kind of alcohol on sale, a Hartwall Original Long Drink, gin and lemonade flavor. They had it a can for 1 euro, so I ended up buying one, Janell convinced me. I accidentally went up to the wrong cashier to check out, I went to the pre-checkout or something first. But I eventually found where to checkout and I bought it. It was pretty scary buying alcohol for the first time. Then I left the shopping area and walked around more, still on FaceTime with Janell. I found a vending machine and bought this Geisha candy bar because Janell said it looked good. There was also an arcade and a place to play PlayStation games. Also, I guess I ended up back at the botanical place, and Autumn said I should get another picture for my mom, so then I got my picture taken on that stupid fake swing. Then I went back to the buffet area. I also passed by Elisabeth and Tosha and Tosha was drinking something from the bar. Then I guess I'd FaceTimed Janell again and I was standing outside the buffet, so the other girls saw me talking to her, and they were asking stuff like, "did you call her or did she call you?" So I said I called her, and they were like, good. Anyways, I got back to the buffet and sat at my table for a bit. I also had another Coke or two. After about 30 minutes, we arrived in Tallinn. We departed the ship at 9:30.

After leaving the ship we walked down this enclosed ramp thing like you do with cruise ships. We could also see all of the cars driving off the ferry, that was cool. Elisabeth wanted to stop at this shop in the ship terminal, so she went in there. I was with her and Rhett and probably Chelsea at that point. So I waited outside the store while Elisabeth went in there. Then the rest of the group caught up to us. Elisabeth didn't end up getting any shoes from there. Then we all met outside and it was 9:45 by this point. This other random American lady was with our group, too, for some reason. My first impression of Tallinn was that it didn't really seem like too much. It seemed really flat, it was cloudy, kind of bleak even though the sky was blue under the clouds. But yeah, once we were all outside we started walking to our hostel. It definitely felt kind of Baltic, I guess? Our hostel was like 15 minutes away. The professors were giving us a little lecture on how not to walk in the bike lanes, I remember that much from the walk.

We got to our hostel, Fat Margaret's, and went in. We put all of our luggage in one room again, the very top floor room. Then we kind of just sat around up in that room for a little bit. Some people went to the bathroom because there was a bathroom in the room. It was also pretty hot up there so some people were trying to open the windows. Then Dana came over and said that this room that everyone was in would be our room. Like the boys room. And she showed me a piece of paper with a room code on it and had me take a picture of it. And of course, Rhett immediately sat on the furthest away bed in the room. Like, who gave you first choice. So I had to get the bed that was next to Caleb's and I had to duck down under the low slanted ceiling to get to my bed, which proved fun later. Eventually, I guess we were finally ready to go, so I put on my little black Adidas backpack which I hadn't worn yet, and my black coat, and then we left. Right after I walked out the door, I realized I forgot my water bottle, so I turned around and tried to open the door with my code, and it wouldn't work. I tried it a few more times, switching around some numbers and stuff and it still wouldn't work, so I turned around to leave because I a water bottle wasn't too important anyways, but then Rhett and Chelsea showed up and they also needed into the room for something, so they started trying the code. They also couldn't really get it, and we tried it for a while. After Rhett's like, fifth attempt, this little alarm started going off in the door handle. Then I think they texted Dana, and she came up and somehow got it on the first try. Then we all went outside after getting our stuff from the room, and everyone was waiting out there.